Conquering The Fourth Trimester

Life after birth is hardly discussed during pre-natal appointments. There's little discussion about what recovery will be like and how motherhood will change your life. Sure, there's jokes tossed around by other mother's you know about sleepless nights and vaginal discomfort, but there is little serious discussion regarding the ice packs you'll have to stuff into your diapers. That's right, YOUR diapers. Here's a list of things I've learned about the fourth trimester over these last five weeks. Be forewarned this article is FULL of TMI's. Scroll immediately past this recovery section if you'd like to spared of those.

RECOVERY

As a first time mother I knew very little about what recovery would entail. I had prepared myself (as much as I could) for sleepless nights and emotional outbursts. I had no idea that the hardest part of those first few days would be getting off the couch. Your whole pelvic floor has been ribbed apart by that beautiful tiny human you have brought into the world. The bleeding will seem endless, and just as it subsides there's other strange material leaking onto your pads. In the first few days you'll be putting ice packs between your legs in giant oversized underwear. You'll have to use a peri bottle (this one is by far the best) to clean yourself off after you go to the bathroom since you're unable to use toilet paper. Unless you have a bowel movement..and don't even get me started about how painful that first bowel movement was. Then you'll look in the mirror and see the stretched, flabby skin that was once solid from your baby during your pregnancy. Recovery is ROUGH and there is no way to sugar coat that. Just remember to be kind to your body during this period. If you're feeling sad or in pain, glance over at the tiny child YOU brought into this world and try to remember how truly amazing your body is.

MARRIAGE

In a psychology class I took in college I learned that most marriages fail shortly after children. The reasoning behind this, my professor said, is that men realize they are no longer number one in their wife's lives. I had endless conversations with my husband Mike about this before our daughter was born. I remember laughing and saying things like "that will never happen to us, you'll always be a priority". And then it happened. Luckily for us it happened gracefully. He understood that my time was now spent feeding our daughter, napping, or cleaning the house. We had little time left for each other where we weren't exhausted or trying to catch up on housework. But we learned to make time. When she napped we cooked together. During my time feeding her we watched a movie or talked to one another. Though we had less time with each other, we learned to make the time we did have together matter. Priorities did shift, and she did become my number one. But I also learned to accept that sometimes housework can wait - and it should.

MOTHERHOOD

As I said in my other post - motherhood is HARD. Breast feeding in itself was a great hurdle for me. Sleep is replaced by nights spent waking every hour to feed a hungry baby. Routines are completely thrown out the window, since you now have to plan your day around your newborn's schedule. "Nap when they nap" is a phrase commonly thrown around by nearly everyone I had talked to. Sure, that sounds reasonable, but I have never been good at napping. Most of the time I laid there for 10 minutes just thinking about all the things I could be getting done while she is finally asleep. So instead of napping, I would get up and do them. There were rare days (as pictured above) that I would be totally wiped out and exhausted and find myself asleep the second my eyes closed, but these days were few and far between. Instead I found that going to bed early was the easiest way for me to get some sleep. You have to find a NEW routine that works for you. Remember, self-care is very important during this time, and will help you stay sane. Find time to nap, take a hot shower, or do your hair just because you feel like it.

EMOTIONAL CHANGES

The day we came home from the hospital I ate dinner at the kitchen island with my 8 year-old step-son. We were eating pasta that my mother had prepared for us. Halfway through my meal an overbearing feeling of sadness came over me. I suddenly found myself holding back tears as I tried to shovel my food down as quickly as I could. I did not want him to see me cry, and I had no idea why I was even crying in the first place. I gathered our plates when we finished, put them in the sink, and ran into my bedroom where my husband was holding our daughter. I closed the door and fell into bed and sobbed uncontrollably. My husband was startled, and asked if everything was ok. This was the first of many meltdowns that occurred over the next two weeks. I found that they came without warning, and often at the worst times. We would have visitors over and I would be unable to speak, afraid I might start crying uncontrollably. There is no shame in being emotional during this time - hormonal changes alone can cause a lot of emotional imbalances. Add in some sleepless nights, changes to daily behaviors, and the overall feeling of loneliness that motherhood can bring and you have the recipe for a perfect storm. Love yourself through it, and if you find this hard to do then tell someone.

The fourth trimester is every bit as life-changing and emotional as the day you first found out you were pregnant. Take time-outs during the fourth trimester to remember everything your body just went through over the last nine months. You created life and grew it inside of you. For the nine months it took to create, give yourself the nine months (minimum) it will take to recover. Create a list of things you enjoyed doing before you were pregnant and slowly try to add them back into your life. Remember that it does get easier, and there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel you might find yourself in. For me each week got easier and easier. There were periods of time during these weeks that were harder than others - during her fourth week of life our daughter went two days with little sleep and A LOT of crying. It's OKAY to need to a break, its OKAY to ask your husband to take over so you can escape the noise for a few minutes. Make your needs a priority during this time, and don't be afraid to ask for any help you need.