As if becoming a first time mom isn't difficult enough, the world had to throw a quarantine my way. What I hoped would be a time full of sitting on the couch with family while adoring our newborn ended up instead being a period of utter isolation. A time when I wanted nothing more than a coffee delivery and adult conversation was instead replaced with home brewed coffee alone while our daughter napped.
Luckily she was born before it all started and we could enjoy the first month of her life like any normal new parents would. But after that month, everything changed. On the exact day my husband returned to work, quarantine began, and I was stuck home completely alone with a one month old.
I remember the moments of breaking down. The times I sat on the floor with our daughter during tummy time, sobbing at the feeling of loneliness that had now taken over my life. The bad days of endless crying, when I felt trapped in my own home wondering how this could possibly be the new way of life.
But I learned a lot from those months we spent alone. I saw that I had not always been a help to my friends and family who had given birth before me. I sat in the isolation and melted over the fact that I probably had not helped a new mother the way I should have. And I also learned to be grateful that I had the support of loved ones, even if it could only be from a distance. So many moms bring a baby home without help or support. So many moms struggle with feeling alone. So many moms don't have the mother I do - the one who drops off meals so you don't have to cook, or buys her grandchild endless amounts of clothes and diapers.
Motherhood is far more isolating than we can ever explain. I truly did not understand this until I came to this point in life. I had no idea how lonely it could feel being stuck at home with a newborn and no one else to talk to or just sit with.
Motherhood is not easy. First time motherhood especially, since you have no idea what to expect. Then the world throws a quarantine at you. A period of time when seeing adults is now impossible. A period of time where your sanity seems to slip slowly away as the days drag on and on. A period of time that made me realize that I need to do better.
And hopefully you all have realized this in some way too, and have begun to help the new moms you know.
God knows they need it. Even if they won't say it.
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