For The Women Who Are Suffering

I have always held onto these poems as a reminder of how far I have come since I have written them.

When I received an email about a poetry contest I raided through these old poems I had written.

I remembered my promise to myself when I created this blog. I was reminded of the vulnerability I promised to expose myself to. I thought back on the days I had sent the poems in for publication, just to quickly withdraw them when an offer came forward.

So here is the raw truth I wrote about. A time when my life seemed together, but it was not. A time when I was exposed to a relationship that grew increasingly dark so gradually that I had no idea where I had ended up. As my therapist had told me: a frog which is placed in boiling water will immediately jump out, sensing the danger. But a frog that is placed in tepid water which is brought to a boil slowly, will not sense the danger and will die.

First here's the reason I wrote these words: I hope my words

Heal you like they have healed me

I'll write down all I feel

Along this journey

So that you may take comfort in knowing

You are not alone

And when you think of returning

To the place that broke you

Just remember

There's a safer place for you

And someone who will bring you back home

Here are three of the thousands of poems I wrote during this time of my life. These are the three I had originally submitted, then refused to have published. I hope they bring some peace to those who have or are currently suffering through abuse, whether emotional or physical.

I’m often jolted awake

By the memory of your hand

Touching my skin

And the words you used

To tear me down

And leave me feeling

Worthless

He asks if I had a nightmare

Or a bad dream

And I just cuddle in close

Because what I had was you

And you have is me

The girl I was is lost with you now

And when I try to take her back

You steal her away in my sleep

But I should know by now

I never had control when it came to you

I envy you

For the ways

That you can forget

The pain you caused me

I envy you

For the way

You moved on

When I barely wanted to move

I envy you

For the ways

You can convince others

To believe all your lies

I envy you

For the ways

You still manage

To make my heart race

When I am quite sure

That I am dead inside

The sadness I know

Is a dark monster

Who hunts for me in the light

He pulls me in

With secret thoughts I hide inside

And thought no one else could hear

He reassures me

That I am worthless

He holds me back from trusting

And he holds me back from trying

He reminds me

That if life is filled with too much happiness

We don’t appreciate it

But if life Is filled with sadness

Then we begin to see

That it is a victory

To simply stay alive