Birth, for me, was the most spiritual and empowering event I have ever experienced. During the final stage of labor it was as if a force had taken over my body. It isn't something I can ever explain to someone who has not experienced child-birth. I had listened to so many podcasts that described labor as this spiritual event that was life-changing. I tried to understand how something that was made out to be so painful could also be described as "spiritual" and "life-changing".
Now I can certainly understand how women can describe labor using these words. I apologize in advance for this long, mostly boring birth story I am about to record here. Feel free to skip around or close the "x" on your tab above.
It all started at 4:30 A.M. on Valentine's Day. I was sound asleep but woken up by a sharp cramp. Somehow I immediately knew that it would be time to head to the hospital soon.
I had been reading about labor since the third trimester had started. There was a time early on that I was told I would need a c-section unless my placenta moved, so vaginal birth was not something I had thought about until the tail end of pregnancy. From what I read a lot of first time mothers had long, extensive labors. So I got up leisurely and showered, while keeping track of my contractions.
At first they were more sporadic, ranging from 6 - 10 minutes apart. Around 5:30 AM they started to become more regular. They were now 5-6 minutes apart, so I decided to wake Mike up so he could shower. I called my doctor while he was showering and she said to head down to the hospital. I had a bowl of cereal, lucky charms, and got dressed in the comfiest clothing I could find.
When we got to the hospital I was only 2cm dilated, but having strong and regular contractions according to the monitor. The nurse advised us to walk around the unit for an hour, then come back to be checked. I walked for about 45 minutes before I just wanted to go back and lay down. I was checked again and was now 3 cm dilated. We were then moved to a labor and delivery room down the end of the hall.
Once we arrived in the room the nurse told me I could take a shower to help relax. I definitely took advantage of that offer, and she started the hot water. I sat in the large shower alone for about a half hour, keeping the water moving from my back to my lower abdomen during contractions, which were now about 3 minutes apart. Once I finished up in the shower I changed into the birthing gown I had purchased on amazon and climbed into bed.
The nurse asked me what I would like for pain management and my only response was "I'll take everything you can give me". She laughed and paged the anesthesiologist so he could start my epidural.
The anesthesiologist came in around 11AM to start my epidural. He was a very confident man who assured me there are rarely complications. I did research beforehand, so I knew the risks that were involved in getting an epidural. I remained calm and signed all the paperwork as my husband was escorted out of the room. I sat with my legs crossed open on the bed and leaned forward as my nurse held my hands. The lidocaine injection was a minimal burn compared to the cramping I was feeling during contractions. Once the lidocaine was about three-quarters finished, I stopped feeling anything that was going on in my back area. It was a very quick procedure, and once the pump was started my lower region began to tingle before finally going numb.
It was around one thirty that I started to feel really sleepy. The nurse assured me it was okay to nap, as long as I woke up every half hour to rotate the side I was laying on. I was woken up around 230 so the doctor could check how far along I was. At that time I was still only 3.5cm dilated, but 90% effaced. She broke my water and laughed when barely any fluid came out. During the end of my pregnancy I was being monitored closely for having a low fluid level. It was borderline low, so I did not have to be induced, but I did have to go for weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests.
Once she left the room I napped until 3:15. I woke up then because I started to feel sharp pains in my right side. I quickly realized that the epidural had stopped working on my right side. I alerted the nurse who assured me that laying on my right side would allow the epidural to pump the medication to that side. She also advised me to push the button on the epidural pump so another dose of medication was released.
I found this odd, since I was laying on my right side when I woke up with pain. But I flipped back to my right side, pushed the button and laid there for another fifteen minutes while waiting for my side to go numb again. Then I switched to my left side since the pain did not seem to diminish at all. The nurse came back in and I again told her that my right side was no longer numb. "Lay on your right side" she repeated. I told her again, I did that and it did not work. "Well try again and then we will check. Push the button again too". I was too frustrated to argue, so I let her turn me back to my right side. After about five minutes I turned to my husband Mike and asked him to call the nurse back in. I told her, for the third time, that my right side was still not numb and now my left was so heavy I could no longer move it.
Just as the nurse came back in I was assigned a new nurse. This time there were two nurses. One was still in training at the hospital I delivered, but had worked in labor and delivery for 14 years prior. The other was a nurse from my hospital that was training the new nurse. After they had introduced themselves I told them my right side was still not numb. The new nurse seemed alarmed and immediately paged the anesthesiologist to come back and check my epidural. He returned promptly and told me he would try re-taping the catheter and if that did not work he would have to place it again.
Luckily my right side went numb again around 4PM, 10 minutes after he re-taped the catheter. The nurses instructed me to get some rest, but the second I felt pressure I needed to push the alarm by my bedside. She left so I could rest, but 5 minutes later I started to feel an intense pressure and had an urge to push towards the pressure. I turned to Mike who was sitting in a chair by my bedside and told him to push the button.
The nurses came in shortly after to check me and told me it was time to push. They called the doctor down as the nurse who was new to the hospital explained exactly what I had to do during labor. She was a strong, confident woman which was very helpful since I had no idea what I had to do. She advised me that she would do whatever it took to get me and my daughter out of that room in tip top shape.
From this point on I entered a period of my life that I cannot compare to anything else I have ever experienced. It was as if my body somehow knew exactly what it needed to do and instructed my brain on how to do so. Somehow, even though I could not feel my contractions, I knew exactly when I needed to push. My husband held my left leg up while holding my hand, and the new nurse did the same on my right side.
After four contractions of pushing, our daughter's heart-rate began to drop. I had no idea this was happening at the time, but was instructed to start breathing through an oxygen mask in between contractions. Somehow I remained calm and trusted that the nurse would do what she had promised. I was instructed to push as hard as I could to get our daughter out.
After two more contractions and not a lot of progress I had to have an episiotomy. The doctor apologized and then told me our daughter's heart-rate was dropping so she had to get her out as soon as she could. She told me after one more contraction I would be able to hold her.
Well, one more contraction passed and she was still stuck. I took in three more deep breaths of oxygen and then pushed without waiting for a contraction to start. I was alarmed by the power that had taken over my body at this point. I felt no pain or pressure, just a strong desire to make sure that she was safe. Everything around me went black as I closed my eyes and concentrated really hard through the last push to make sure I could get her out. It remains a blur to me now, but suddenly I was laying in the bed with our daughter on my chest. I'm not sure I ever stopped squeezing my husband's hand since the last push, but after five minutes of her laying against me I finally stopped.
Seeing her tiny body against my chest was the most rewarding gift I could ever be given. She remained calm as she cuddle into me and opened her eyes a few times. I held her as close as I could despite the blood from birth on her body. It was in these moments after birth that I realized my life was never going to be the same.
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