One year ago today, D Day, June 6th, I found out I was pregnant.
I can clearly recall my drive home from a dentist appointment that afternoon, wondering if our attempts at the end of May and early June were successful. My mind raced, wondering if I had any symptoms, even though I knew it was far too early for that.
We had plans to go out that evening for dinner and a few drinks, so I decided to take a test just to be safe. I honestly was expecting it to be negative, especially since my period was still 8 days away. I peed on the stick then got undressed to take a shower. Before I hopped in I did a quick glance before picking the test up to throw it away.
"Wait...positive? What? I still have 8 days before my period..." I sat down on the bathroom floor with the test in my hand. My husband was on his way home from work, and it took all my might to not call him and tell him over the phone.
"Well, that's what happens when you stop birth control" He replied after I told him. If you knew my husband you'd realize this response was pretty expected. He's much more calm and collected than I am. I was internally freaking out, wondering how we'd afford all the supplies we will need or when we would start construction on the basement since that is only space we had for a nursery. But we went out to dinner and I enjoyed the last alcohol beverage I would have for the next 9 months. (Though, I won't lie, I had a few small sips of wine here and there)
Everything went great at the start - blood tests were normal and there was no sign of abnormalities at our first ultrasound appointments. Then I started cramping around 12 weeks. I cramping before this, but very inconsistently and a lot less painfully. This felt different. So, I called my doctor and she told me to monitor for any bleeding. Thankfully, there was no bleeding. At our next ultrasound at 14 weeks I was diagnosed with a low-lying placenta. It was too early to officially call it placenta previa, but it was in a grade I low-lying position.
I admit I was scared. I was told that if it did not move I would need a c-section so that I would not be at risk for bleeding out. I felt robbed of the birthing experience, and I certainly did not want the responsibility of choosing my daughter's birth date. I came to terms with it eventually, realizing that as long as she and I were healthy, that's all that mattered.
We went back for another ultrasound at 24 weeks, and I prayed my placenta had moved by then. Unfortunately this was not the case. Not only did not my placenta remain in a low position, now I was measuring small for my gestational age. My doctor told me not to worry, assuring me that a lot of "tall women" measure small and deliver "large babies". But I couldn't help but worry. Was she growing normally? Am I doing enough to keep her healthy? Was this somehow my fault that our child is a peanut? I was placed on pelvic rest - no exercise, no sex...I could not lift anything over 10 pounds.
I anxiously awaited the next ultrasound at 30 weeks. Those next 6 weeks dragged on, and I panicked with each cramp I felt. There would be days that I swore she did not move at all, which worried me even more.
The night before our 30 week ultrasound Mike and I decided to go out to dinner. On our drive there I started feeling extremely tired. Then suddenly I was dizzy and light headed. I panicked and told Mike something wasn't right. I gripped onto my ankles and bent down to put my head on top of my knees. Luckily within a few minutes the feeling subsided. He asked about 100 times if I was sure about dinner, to which I responded "I'm starving". The rest of the night was uneventful.
Finally we went in for our 30 week ultrasound. I waited patiently, mostly in silence, as the technician scanned every inch of my tiny belly. "We can't see the placenta clearly at all, so we're going to have to get the clear to do another trans-vaginal" She said to me after what felt like hours of searching. It was risky to do an internal ultrasound since this could damage the low-lying placenta, but my doctor OK'd it as long as I was comfortable. "It's unlikely it moved at this stage, but they need to be sure" The technician said to me when she returned to the room. More panic set in as I laid down and waited for some sign that everything was OK. "All set to head to your appointment" Our tech said as she finished the ultrasound. Unfortunately they are not allowed to give us any results, so we headed upstairs and waited to see the doctor.
I expected to hear that my placenta had not moved at all and that I would need to schedule a c-section for somewhere around the 36 week mark. "Good news is your placenta moved...BUT..." Our doctor told us after entering the room. The rest of the sentence probably came a lot quicker than my mind allowed it to. After the "but" a million thoughts ran through my mind. But she's not growing? But she has a problem? But she is no longer viable? "Your amniotic fluid is low" She continued.
Sigh of relief. She is healthy. But wait, what does that mean? Low amniotic fluid...will I need a c-section after all?
"It can happen if you're dehydrated, but I want to check on this again tomorrow to make sure you're not leaking any fluid. If it dips any lower we might have to induce you". I did not have discharge. Besides the dizzy spell the night before everything felt perfect. You're probably just dehydrated I told myself. I did not want to be induced, at all. Her basinette was not even set up yet. Plus at the size she was then I would need to buy her premie clothes. More panic.
I spent the evening with my mother and sister shopping for a few premie outfits just incase she had to be delivered the next day.
The next day my amniotic fluid was still low, but sat right on the edge of normal and dangerous. My doctor wanted to be sure she was making the right decision, so she consulted with a specialist at another hospital. They both agreed that it was best to keep the baby in and wait and see what happened. She recommended steroid shots incase an early delivery was needed and weekly check-ins - which each involved an ultrasound and a non-stress test. I was also placed on "light-duty" at work and was not allowed to return to exercise.
I teetered on the "normal" line of amniotic fluid volume for another 3 weeks before our daughter came naturally on Valentine's Day (see birth story)
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