Five years ago today my husband Mike took me on our first official date. He made reservations at a fancy restaurant. I wore a dress, he wore a tie, and we ate a 5 course meal prepared by a chef just for us. I had not had an experience like this before that day. And just when I thought the night was over he drove us to the beach. We walked, we talked, and the rest is history.
Our relationship wasn't always this fairy-tale like romance that came from that evening. We met when we were both 15 through mutual friends. We didn't talk much, and to be quite honest I found him intimidating and too quiet for my taste. We saw each other only when hanging out with those mutual friends. The one time we did hang out alone was in college when I spent the night crying in his dorm room after breaking up with my ex.
One night five years later we decided to get together for dinner to catch up. At the time I was engaged. My relationship with my ex was very complicated. I was young and lacked the self-esteem I have now. I punished myself for things that were not my fault. I'm not going to go into details, but neither of us were happy in our relationship.
Then there was Mike. At that dinner he listened to everything I had to say. I was not ignored, or talked over. We shared ideas about spirituality, swapped music, and talked about our families. I watched his eyes light up as he told me about the bicycle he had just bought his son for Christmas. He asked about my art and was honestly impressed when I showed him what I had been working on. At that time it was this painting of the northern lights that now hangs over my grandmother's piano in our home.
My mother had always told me "when you know, you know". I never really understood exactly what that meant. But with Mike things have always been easy. A few weeks after that dinner I broke up with my ex. It didn't take long for me to express my feelings towards Mike. This of course came to a shock to many people in my life, but I never looked back. The phrase my mother had told me suddenly made sense. Five years ago on April 1st we enjoyed our first date together.
Since then things have always been easy with us. Mike taught me a lot about communication and how to express my emotions openly. He gave me a safe place to share how I was feeling, something I had not had in a long time. He listened and gave the advice I needed to hear, not just what I wanted to hear. He became my healing place - a safe place to confide in.
Four years after that dinner we got married. Only a month after that I found out I was pregnant with our now 6 week-old daughter. We've shared 3 homes together over the last 5 years. Together we have grown and written our own story.
I used to believe that love was about working through really hard things with someone. I tolerated a lot more than I should have in the past and lost myself because of that. But love should be easy. It should be a safe place to communicate openly. Your partner should be your biggest fan and supporter. It should mean equality in responsibilities and having someone to help you when you can't handle things yourself anymore.
Looking back on our relationship I realize how much I have truly changed. I used to be afraid to show my true self to others. I had trouble with communication - especially confrontation. I feared truly getting to know myself and exploring my own dreams. To the outside world I'm sure our relationship looked rushed and thoughtless, but to me it was all timed perfectly. He was exactly what I needed at that moment in life.
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